1-22-2018

16 days tomorrow. 

Everything is upside down 

The safe constants have been interrupted. Bedtimes are different. Schedules are not the same. Meals aren’t really special. Kitty is depressed because Daddy is gone. I never thought of myself as a pet person. I mean, really. Everyone has always begged me for a dog; even a cat. No no no. In every language, no. 

But Jeremiah left home, and it was an adjustment. And so, finally I said yes. 

Best decision ever. They are so therapeutic. David has always wanted a big, manly dog. But instead we got a fluffy little doodle bug. (A toy poodle that looks like a fuzzy monster instead of a well groomed poodle.)

He is devoted, ornery, lovable and a delightful distraction from hard knocks. 

And then there is our kitty, Mei Ling.  The Siamese princess who comes when you call and is as lovable as ever. 

David did not know he was a cat person. I would have never ever in a million years believed it, but it is true. 

Every morning, he lets her out of the crate and she follows him to the kitchen while he makes coffee. And gives her a kitty treat. Then he goes to the living room and she follows. And cuddles up on Daddy’s favorite blanket, purring loud enough even I can hear her from my bedroom. 

Nor would I have believed that a cat could be depressed and miss her favorite person. She lacks not any affection. We are, each one ecstatic when she ‘chooses’ to cuddle beside us. Sometimes we make her. She protests because it was not her idea. Sometimes we let her go. Other times we entice her with treats and belly rubs and she stays, sometimes. 

But when Daddy is home, she only has eyes for him. He doesn’t beg, entice, force any affection. She willingly and freely gives him all and more. 

It’s ridiculous. And we are so jealous that she loves Daddy best. 

Since he has been gone, she is not the same. None of us are. But, really?  A kitty, too?  This is too far fetched. But not. It is absolutely the honest to goodness truth. 

Sunday I tried to bring back a few constants so we can continue on with some aspects of life. It helps our sanity. Our world is upside down, and we are trying to survive. A few constants are safe. Sturdy. Predictable. Like David is to us.  

The quiet is so loud. And pain overwhelms. But the show must go on, so they say. I don’t want it to. I just want to pause the video until it’s all well again. But life doesn’t pause. It continues on. 

I just miss him so much. He is our life. Our rock. 

I ramble. This blog is a safeness for me. Knowing people are there who are wishing the best towards us and praying and caring. I just needed an ear before I close my eyes and wait for sleep to come. It’s so heavy. And it’s nice to lay it down for a minute. 

Thank you for your love. 

Michelle

Ps. I love you back.