1/26/2018

One more update 

for day 19

He could not handle being off the vent today. So they consistently had him around 45 oxygen. And he consistently held 88 to 91. 

So... he is breathing 43 to 46 % on his own. Which is not great. He is relying on the vent a lot. 

Also, his gag reflux was in consistent action every time he would breathe in. 

Why?  Because they are giving him less pain and sedation medicine. 

His blood pressure would eventually sky rocket many times today because of the weaning factor of ‘all of the above...’

When his blood pressure rocketed, they would ‘eventually’ either give him blood pressure med or pain med. 

He tried with his whole self to open his eyes today, but he is SO FULL of meds and trying to wean from everything, that his body is taking quite a long time to sync in. 

I stood most of the day over his bed touching his forehead and holding his hand. When he struggled with shallow breaths I would reassure him that all was well and they would not let him go too far, but it was necessary because of weaning. 

I reassured him about many things...

The kids are good. 

Everything is ok. 

We have more than enough money to pay our bills and not to worry. 

To only focus on breathing.  To not panic but try to breath in a little deeper. 

I kid you not, he would breath calmly after being reassured. But I had to tell him over and over again. 

I was holding his hand and talking to Hannah before leaving. I was updating her and she was updating me. A tearful day on the home front. 

David squeezed my hand ever so lightly. And how do I explain that it took such concentration and his WHOLE body to squeeze just a little. 

I said ‘Did you just squeeze my hand?’  And he squeezed again.  I was like, Hannah!  He squeezed my hand!!’ 

And then I told him his favorite ancient Chinese proverb, ‘three times make fact. Can you squeeze again?’  

And...he squeezed again. 

And so, it’s fact. 

He tried so hard to communicate. I had to reassure him constantly, just breathe. That’s all you need to do. For it took everything within him to do the simplest things, like squeeze a hand or open his eyes. 

No, he did not open his eyes but omg he tried with all of his might to. 

I am reassured by those caring for him that this truly is the hardest part seeing a loved one struggle for air and gag, and flail from pain. 

I did not want to leave. But I had sad children at home. So torn. 

I got home at 7:00; Exhausted. 

A dear friend brought fruit, a beautiful plant, an anniversary card with the sweetest words ever, a LEGO set for jono and a smaller version for all of us. ;). And a fun beauty mask for me and Hannah. 

We all took deep breaths and let out a lengthy sigh, basking in the love we feel from you.  Auntie E, thank you so much for loving us today with fun stuff. It means more than you know. 

I just called the hospital. He is resting well. Peaceful at the moment. Which tells me they gave him a pain med boost. It will be a hard night for him. 

The dilemma is that if he cannot breath on his own they will have to do a tracheotomy, which we hope to avoid. 

Two weeks is really the longest a person can be in a vent without causing other problems. The infectious disease doctor updated me about mold growing in one of his lungs for being on the vent. So they had to give him an ant-viral med to nip it in the bud. 

Mold?  Really?  I have never heard of such a thing. But it is not uncommon with one who is in a coma and depending fully on oxygen to stay alive. 

He is such a fighter. I had to calm him many times to struggle a little less, because of the blood pressure going crazy. For the most part, he really seemed to respond. 

I have probably repeated and repeated and repeated more. Overlook and forgive my grammar and repetition.  And focus on wholeness for his entire body. 

Thank you for your love. 

Really!  

Thank you so much!  

Love love

David’s Doll Face,

Michelle.