It’s amazing how easy David bruises. It’s like last year aged him ten years.
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Sunday, March 24, 2019
A watched hole never shrinks
It has been two months since I have been trying to find a permanent job and juggling many temporary ones. However, Monday, March 25, I am starting my dream job. My title is 'Luxury Home Manager.' It is quite hard to describe, but I will be working close to the Arts District in Downtown Dallas. If you live here in Dallas, you have probably noticed these high-rise apartments going up everywhere. I will be assigned to one of those buildings being a personal assistant to several condo-owners, I run errands, restock groceries, organize maid service through our vendors, fluff up the pillows, tidy up a little and leave flowers and a note letting them know everything I accomplished for them and offering suggestions of other things our vendor offers if I feel it may benefit them. I will also be on-site if they need home repairs and or maid service to oversee the different jobs being done.
Full benefits; I pay nothing; Full means Full; 4 weeks paid vacation yearly; 401k match; omg, my jaw is on the floor and I can't even remember all the other little perks of this job. It pays well and they give me a stipend for both gas and phone.
This is good news. It is. We are all excited. Sadly it is still an adjustment for us all at how different life is. I recently heard someone talk about grief like a large hole that can't be filled, but over time it grows smaller and it becomes easier to be happy. That's how we all feel; this big hole of grief that is there and hasn't seemed to shrink much.
We had to get my car worked on before I started the new job and found out we need about $2,000 worth of repairs done, but we could only repair $500 worth. Our mortgage went up again. The 401k David cashed out is at a very scary low and NO Disability has not been approved yet.
I am starting my new job. It will take time to build up momentum. I see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I have no idea at this point if we will be able to keep the house. I just have no idea.
But, yes, I have a job. And I am very excited to start. The heaviness of being the provider is still overwhelming. I know it will get easier, it's just not yet. I don't like writing in the blog anymore because I can only imagine in my mind people thinking 'Grow up, girl!' 'Grow a pair.' 'Stop all your whining and complaining.' 'Get on with it already.'
And I want to. I really do. I have spent the past 25 of my years giving to my family; making sure everything runs smoothly. Homeschool, meal-planning, budgeting, creating a home... Now when my family needs me the most, I am unable to be here, because I need to work. That's my part now. I get it. But it still hurts like hell. And we are still on the verge of losing a lot more than we already have.
David is as good as he can be, health-wise. However, his spirits are quite down most of the time. And that freaking hurts like hell watching him be so sad. It really sucks. There is no lack of trying to make life happy; believe me. But the hole; it's just there, taunting us.
But I have my dream job. A job I was made for. A job that gives me great joy to do; helping others behind the scenes; making their life easier. This is a corner turned, for sure.
Today has been a busy day getting ready to start my week. Making sure no one has more than they can handle and 'overseeing' the budget and meal-planning to the best of my ability, keeping the home running smoothly, keeping things clean; assigning tasks. It takes a family.
Full benefits; I pay nothing; Full means Full; 4 weeks paid vacation yearly; 401k match; omg, my jaw is on the floor and I can't even remember all the other little perks of this job. It pays well and they give me a stipend for both gas and phone.
This is good news. It is. We are all excited. Sadly it is still an adjustment for us all at how different life is. I recently heard someone talk about grief like a large hole that can't be filled, but over time it grows smaller and it becomes easier to be happy. That's how we all feel; this big hole of grief that is there and hasn't seemed to shrink much.
We had to get my car worked on before I started the new job and found out we need about $2,000 worth of repairs done, but we could only repair $500 worth. Our mortgage went up again. The 401k David cashed out is at a very scary low and NO Disability has not been approved yet.
I am starting my new job. It will take time to build up momentum. I see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I have no idea at this point if we will be able to keep the house. I just have no idea.
But, yes, I have a job. And I am very excited to start. The heaviness of being the provider is still overwhelming. I know it will get easier, it's just not yet. I don't like writing in the blog anymore because I can only imagine in my mind people thinking 'Grow up, girl!' 'Grow a pair.' 'Stop all your whining and complaining.' 'Get on with it already.'
And I want to. I really do. I have spent the past 25 of my years giving to my family; making sure everything runs smoothly. Homeschool, meal-planning, budgeting, creating a home... Now when my family needs me the most, I am unable to be here, because I need to work. That's my part now. I get it. But it still hurts like hell. And we are still on the verge of losing a lot more than we already have.
David is as good as he can be, health-wise. However, his spirits are quite down most of the time. And that freaking hurts like hell watching him be so sad. It really sucks. There is no lack of trying to make life happy; believe me. But the hole; it's just there, taunting us.
But I have my dream job. A job I was made for. A job that gives me great joy to do; helping others behind the scenes; making their life easier. This is a corner turned, for sure.
Today has been a busy day getting ready to start my week. Making sure no one has more than they can handle and 'overseeing' the budget and meal-planning to the best of my ability, keeping the home running smoothly, keeping things clean; assigning tasks. It takes a family.
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