“Just stop writing the blog. It’s so sad and people will think we are still falling apart.”
And, I’m like, “We ARE still falling apart.”
And that’s just the truth . It is what it is. The reality of his disability is really hard on David. He tries to do things and realizes he can’t. He really is the most determined man I’ve ever known. And we have discovered even determination has its limits.
And we watch him suffer and persevere, but also see him feel hopeless at times, crushes us because there is not a damn thing we can do about it.
Did I say my job is kicking my ass? Probably. I repeat myself often, I know. Same old story.
I like it but it is quite hard on my body. I have moments of, ‘This ain’t so bad. I love helping people,’ to ‘crying because I am so tired and sore.’ But this too shall pass.
So, because we reached out to a few senators, it looks like we have gotten a chance for our hearing before the Judge moved up. After the hearing, which is not set yet, it will be another six months before disability actually kicks in.
I think about things sometimes, and tears are easy. The government wants us to lose everything before they do anything??? #%>>€€%##<<€€€€€>~~|#%€€€£><%*+!>,?
We are busy going through things, getting rid of, repairing things that we can, so we can sell the house, move into an apartment and live off of our equity.
A new start. Scary. But maybe a change of scenery will help us overcome better.
If I repeat myself, I apologize. But there are two people who have given to us consistently, and without it, I fear to imagine our fate thus far. It has been life-saving and thank you’s seem so shallow. But it’s all I got.
So, as much as I want to quit you, blog, I still have voice. We still cry. We still ache. It’s getting old, but beyond...there is light, because sometimes I see glimpses of spark.
I love you, to those who read, and ache with us; and send us happy thoughts and send us hope. Thank you. Not a shallow letter in those words to me. It runs deep and I wish I had more eloquent ways to express. But I’m too tired to think something up. Lol
XOXO
Shelli girl for us all
David and I don’t get too much me and him time. It may be we are avoiding it. All we do is fuss and cry because he wants my job and I want his.
It’s still just so uncomfortable. And my job is very physical. I am soaking wet when I come home and I never used to sweat.
I make 1/4 of what he made. My contribution feels so unhelpful. There are two people that give month to month. But we can’t count on it. It’s a surprise every month. And it’s just presumptuous to except it. But it has been our life-jacket every time.
I would love to say everything is wonderful and I am loving the work. One day, yes, one day, may it be so.
We are here; healthy as can be. And the mortgage is paid this month. Day by day. Month by month. This is how we live. I personally want to sink. But I love too much to desire such a thing.
And my heart. It aches. Spiritually; physically. What a scary thing.
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