Today...

I wish I were as happy as you. Totally. It is good news. He tried so hard to talk to me with no sounds and crooked mouth and sad eyes. I felt so helpless. I thought this step would be happier. But it just broke my heart. Maybe because I’ve been strong thru all of this mostly and it just hit me like a crashing wave today. Me:  are u ok? Do I need to get a nurse? Are u in pain?  Him: incoherent lip movements. 

He cannot lift his arms or legs. He is so week. I just fell apart. 

I would tell him just close your eyes and rest(because I noticed his blood pressure going up when he was trying to tell me ALOT of words that I could not make out at all. He would not close his eyes. He shook his head no. That was funny. I laughed. Still ornery. 

I finally told him close your eyes and rest a minute I will be right back. He nodded yes. But kept his eyes open. I said NOW, close your eyes right now!  Omg. He did. I stepped out and went to the restroom, face-timed Hannah and balled my eyes out. 

I have no tears left at the moment. I will accustom myself to this new step and be strong again. But right now I am just so overwhelmed. 

Love u!
Mi 

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