1-17-2018

Today....I really wanted to dislike the nurse over David. I had called beforehand to make sure he was doing ok. And he was everything but friendly.  When I arrived, the doctor was sitting at the nurses station. I rarely see him, and when I do, my heart sinks a little. So far every time he has been there it was to bear bad news. ‘Hi Dr. Long?’ In a very less than confidant voice. He caught me up with everything concerning David, from his view. I asked to see the new lung x-ray and he motioned me behind the desk. ‘There are a few places that look better’ he says. And after pausing for a long minute, I told him that was the first good news he has ever given me. I was more than a little happy, even though it was literally just a few grains of sugar. The Dr. who likes to, ‘tell it like it is’ told me like it was; a few grains of good. My breathing improved for the remainder of the day. 

I whisper in David’s ear, everyday, like I’m doing something wrong and sneaking around. Although when someone sees me, they reassure me I’m ok. Go ahead..  I tell him, Don’t you dare worry about us. So many people love you. And we are taken care of. The only thing you need to worry about is getting better.’ and more things, but not for your ears...

I know he worries. He has worried all year long about the changes occurring at his job. Literally, all last year, he came home most days with a downcast soul. Our job most days was to help Daddy carry the burden and take his mind off all the financial things that worried him. 

I was also ready to pick up a part time job to help with the pay cuts and changes. And he would not hear of it. 

He is such a good man. A family man. Best friends with me and his kids. Fun times. 

And back to the man nurse of the day. Bedside manner a little lacking, but omg he was taking care of my man, above and beyond. And so when it was time to leave, I knew he was in good hands. 

I sneak kisses to his arm when no ones looking. His room is such a scary place. So many monitors. So many people in and out. So many beeps and alerts that they check over and over. I have yet to get used to any of the beeps. My heart stops for a moment until I know it’s ok. He’s all tubed up; lines of this or that everywhere. The only place I can reach and had no needles is between his shoulder and elbow. Thats where I kiss him. And then look to make sure no one saw. I don’t know why I’m worried. Hmmmm.  Probably because if they saw me and then said no.... I would be devastated. So, sneaking kisses will continue. 

I miss him so much. And can only hope that the Doctor, who says it like it is, will continue to find good things to say. Because then, I will know for sure, it’s true. 

Love love, Michelle