Today feels empty. I just want this nightmare to be over.
Someone told me yesterday that pain is necessary for growth. But, pain is so….
painful. I want it all to go back to normal. Its not that I don’t know what the
right answers are. Its more that I don’t care, and want things to go back to
the way they were.
No matter how much I wish, nothing changes. Dad is still
breathing through a tube on life support, we are all feeling low as hell, and
as a mockery of what is missing, reminders of him are everywhere.
The house bill came today, and the water bill is due in two
days, the car payments are also due, as well as insurance. And if that wasn’t
enough, the financial office at the hospital keeps calling, wondering how we are
going to pay. Well dear, I have news for you stupid, that’s not only the last
thing on my mind, but also…WE DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY!
I just want dad to get better. I feel more sadness than I
have ever felt before. I can’t do life without dad; I don’t want to.
People keep asking what they can do to help. Well if anyone
has some kind of healing powers and they are holding out on us, just let us
know. That would be fantastic. Thanks. For those of you that think the fact
that he is on 45-50% oxygen is a good thing and that means he is getting better?
He isn’t. That’s not good. Right now, as you are breathing, you are taking in
21% oxygen at the most. That’s how much is in the air. Dad requires over twice
that amount just to maintain basic bodily functions. So, no, he won’t be coming
off life support anytime soon.
I am aware this remains a little depressing, but this day
was a little depressing as well. Love to all, and your thoughts and well wishes
are deeply appreciated. We apologize if we don’t get back to you quickly, but
our lives are rather upside down right now.
Love, Hannah
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