The past bounces off the walls in sorrowful, haunting echoes. Memories mingled together in no particular order
don’t make sense, except for the feeling they leave you with. Even
happy memories are tinged with sadness, as the subject of their
affection while being human is tied to the most inanimate of objects: a
house. But it’s not a house, it’s a home. I once read that it’s not the
house that makes the home, but rather the people. I think that is true,
but somehow memories and the very people themselves are tied to one
central location, and that is this house.
As
I look around me, every inch, every corner of this house is teeming
with life and memories. So much of my life has happened here. It was in
this very room at 4 years old I decided I wanted to be a mom, and so I
practiced on the dolls I had, until I was old enough to realize it was
silly and they were not real. It was here I grew into a teen, wearing
dark eyeliner, and listening to what I thought was angsty music – it was
not. It was here I fell in love. It was in this house that the boys
were born, and it was here that they grew. All the time in between has
been steeped in joy and sadness, tears and laughter.
All
good things must come to an end, it is said, but why? Why must life in
its original state be pain and sadness. Is happiness such a taboo thing?
Nevertheless,
the Watson house is being sold. 1**1 D******t, our street address for
20 years, in one short month will no longer be. It seems a trivial thing
to be attached to, but it feels like my heart could break.
Feeling
too, that in-between space, where I wonder where we will go next. N
says, it feels uncomfortable because there is not a definitive point B
to move to, when point A as an option is quickly slipping away. He’s
right, and from a poetic standpoint I am sure it would be fantastic to
simply exist in the in-between. But practicality calls and awakes us all
from slumber. Eyes wide, partially from terror of what awaits and the
other bit from sadness from yet another loss, we trudge forward; seeking
frantically for a place to lay our heads.
This
is where we are, and for now, here is where we will remain. And I do
mean emotionally, just to be clear, because we are moving. It is
finished.