Sometimes I go to the hospital early and leave early. Sometimes I go late and leave late. It depends on what the morning brings. Lots of broken heartedness. Wiping tears and reassuring words... sometimes hard to find.

I know for a fact my boys don’t read these updates; because I give the G-rated version. Which is why I can be a little more brutal with you than with them.

Are you ready? Heavy sigh... his condition is neither better nor worse. But seeing him everyday is quite painful.

Off the bat, yet another new nurse. Let’s call her Nurse Ratchet. Why is his blood pressure so high? His head vice looks so tight. His lips are chapped. Oh look how swollen he is.

Her responses: everything is fine. I promise. It’s no big deal. Everything is just fine, etc...

me: please just tell me the harsh reality. I can take it. When you say don’t worry after everything I say, I worry.

She wasn’t that keen with my reply, but as the day went on, I was sure to tell her how amazing she was and thank you for helping him.

Things got better between us. And we got used to one another’s rhythm. However, both her and the respiratory therapist talked to me in condescending tones all day long.

I learned to overlook it. I also learned that their attitude doesn’t have to stop me from having a voice.

He is still in the “rotisserie” machine. (Otherwise known as the Rotoprone.) His head is in a “cushioned” vice and the machine turns him 60 degrees both left and right for one minute on each side. Constant moving. For most of the day he was on his back, rotating from left to right. Before I left, they put him on his stomach, tilted him 60 degrees vertical as well as 60 degrees horizontal every one minute.

It’s hard to describe. . Google does a grand job. Ask him.

He is completely paralyzed in an induced coma. So he’s not feeling anything. Thank god! They have extra large bandages over all the parts of his body that will feel pressure as he turn, turn, turn, turn ( The Birds)

So as not to cause chafed and raw areas on his skin.

His lips are so chapped that...never mind.

His feet and hands are less swollen? But swollen.

I asked nurse ratchet if I could rub lotion on his hands and feet and put chap stick on his lips (thanks to a friend who told me the two things people ask for in a hospital setting are lotion for your feet and chapstick. Thank you for that. You know who you are. Oh do I love you!).

‘Yes yes, you may! That would be great!’ Says nurse ratchet. She turned into nurse ‘ok she’s nice. ‘

It was hard to sneak kisses, as his entire body was pretty much covered with this very bulky machine that takes up the entire room. The only reason I was able to rub his feet and hands with lotion was because it is quite an undertaking to get him ready to rotate into his stomach. I took advantage of the moment.

She had to change several bandages so he could stay clean. The bandages on his chest cover hair. Let’s just say he got a wax job for free. It was both painful to the nurse as well as to me.

I hesitate to add a picture.

But I feel I need to. Sorry. The boys have not seen this. Nor will they.

This was my day. Quite traumatic. But a good day. I was able to rub his feet and hands with lotion. To give him chap stick on his pitiful lips. And to me, it was heaven. It was good to be able to touch him. I miss him so much.

It’s just all so overwhelming when I think about it. But it’s just life in real time. And you do whatcha gotta do, I figure.

For all your prayers, kind words, your care and concern, your donations, I am so very overwhelmed. Thank you for allowing us to focus entirely on him and not give a thought to ‘how are we going to get by?’

I honestly feel very guilty that you have been so generous. And I really have no adequate thank you’s.

Please do not stop praying. Our life was just getting good. David has made me a better person. I want more. Yes, I’m selfish. And I don’t apologize. I need him. We need him.

Love love

Michelle.

Btw this machine cost 12,000.00 dollars a day. But the wax job was free, I am pretty sure.