Its hard, sometimes, being a big sister. Deciding when and what information to share with little ears, and overall just trying to keep everyone happy. Drying tears, and seeing through snarky comments to the hurting little heart inside. Its not easy. Yeah, video games and special food might help for a minute, but the pain is still there. Cuddles, fuzzy blankets, video games, movies, Legos and computer time take their minds off the pain for a few precious minutes.
Some people tell me to be strong. I am strong. I am the strongest I ever have been. I have no choice. The pain is there, I accept it, and move on in spite of it. The thing is, its ok to be weak. No one needs me to be more than what I can be. Some days, I feel like superwoman and conquer 15 major things that needed to be done. Other days, its all I can do to brush my teeth and hair. And that's ok. Right now, our life is in pieces. Its ok to fall apart, to cuddle up and just cry. We miss dad. The glue that holds our family together, the strongest of us all is so weak, and seeing him is like staring fear in the face. You feel a knot in your gut, and terror in your heart. You look at him, and he just lays there, so so sick. So fragile.
Mom sits with him everyday. The two times I have been in his hospital room, It has completely torn me apart. When the tears have gone away, all that remains is a physical and emotional tiredness, that seems unquenchable. No matter how much you sleep, it remains. I don't know how she does it. She holds his hand and strokes his hair. She talks to him in a comforting voice, and she stays all day, every day. I would be a mess. She is strong. Stronger than she ever has been before. She feels that pain, that fear, and she goes on.
Its funny how our bodies react to sadness. It feels the hurt and it is almost like you can feel the pain, physically. Your body is like, I am so sad, I must be hurt somewhere! Our hearts are heavy and tears come daily, fast and strong.
Keep on praying guys. We have miles to go yet....
Love,
Hannah-Rose
Beautifully put Hannah. There is a time for everything: Excclesiastes 3:1-8. One of my favorite things that my dad once told me, (when I was afraid for someone else’s well being), “You know how much you love that person? Just remember, God loves them more. He also loves you more than anyone else loves you.” God does not enjoy seeing you, your dad, or your family suffer. We may not know His plan yet, as to why everything is happening, but we know His plan is perfect! He loves you and is near to you and your family. “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
ReplyDeleteKeep God always on your mind.. “You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength.” Isaiah 26:3-4
My husband Jordan and I pray for your dad and all of you, multiple times a day. We have been praying since the day we found out. Every time your names are on our hearts, we lift you up to God.
Your dad will be so unbelievably proud when he knows of everything you’ve worked so hard on these past weeks. He’s going to be overwhelmed by the love, strength, courage, and determination you all have shown. You make your daddy proud.
We’re always here to bring food or a break from reality if you or the family needs! 972-757-6805♥️
P.s. Love you!!
ReplyDeleteHey sophie, you are so sweet, and your words were very encouraging! Its hard to remember that God has a plan when I don't know why dad is so sick right now. thank you for being strong when it is hard for us to be, and you thoughts and prayers are much appreciated. I love you too!!
ReplyDelete(and congrats on getting married!!!!!)