2/8/2018

Yesterday today...
When I wake up in the morning, after sleeping well, I feel as though I haven’t slept.
Slowly I go. I take the opportunity to connect with the kids before I need to leave. It arms me; gives me gumption; courage.
And normally, when I am in my car, driving to the hospital, fear and anxiety start to overtake me. “How will I find him today?  Will it be a good day? A bad day? Is he really going to be ok?”
But today although it started out with tummy butterflies, it eventually turned into calm; remembering what the doc said...'do not judge his progress day to day, but week to week. Day to day is unreliable, and it will cause much emotional tension.  There are both good and bad days towards progress.’ (Repeating myself. It’s for me. A reminder that all is well.)
And both yesterday and today were calm for me. There were good things and bad things intermingled, but I did not panic.
We have a choice: we can either fight the waves and drown or we can be still and let them move and rock us.  And I feel like I am beginning to be in harmony with the waves.
We have a destination, now we have to trust the boat and the waves.
Yes, all in all it was a good day.  Both yesterday AND today.
His big brother and wife came to see him yesterday, as well as his big sister.
Although David was completely worn out after physical therapy, he was determined to keep his eyes open to drink in the love that surrounded him.
Today, his brother and sister came for one last visit before work schedules prevented them. But they will be back. They love their brother. It’s really sweet to see.
Today, when his brother was in the room with me, a physical therapist whom we met on the day we brought David in to the emergency room stopped by.  He is a very nice man. I remembered his name only because it was David. I would have still remembered his kindness and face because he helped us through a very stressful moment.
Which reminds me of one of my favorite nurses. I have asked him at least four times, ‘your name is Jeff right?’  ‘No, it’s Ken.’  For a while he was ‘the nurse whose name is not Jeff.’  I still call him the nurse whose name is not Jeff, even though I know for sure now that it is Ken.
My David was trying to tell me something and I was having a hard time decipherin’. So David PT said.’ Let me try something.’
I did not pay much attention to his words until he deflated the balloon in his throat for 40 seconds. And then I heard David’s voice. Both  me and his brother.  It wasn’t ‘his voice; it was gravelly and whispery. But we understood every word.  ‘What did he say?’ I have been asked more times than six. ‘I don’t remember...’. I guess I was just overtaken by his voice, gravelly and all.
Both of his lungs are still very damaged and it is quite possible they won’t heal perfectly. He has air pockets in around both lungs which prohibit them from inflating fully, which causes shortness of breath and not able to breath easy, to my understanding. ‘I can’t catch my breath’ he says frequently when not in a good position.
At this point, his right lung is not cooperating as well as the left. But they are on top of it and trying to keep him on his left side or back. It improved just a little by doing this.
Today’s Happy Feed.
Three things...
One
The magical moment of talk from my man who hasn’t talked in thirty days.
Two
Carte Blanche in helping with David’s Physical Therapy and other various things and for being allowed to see him as long and as often I want.
Three
Seeing his eyes light up when I walk into the room.
Love,
Shelli
Ps. Snapchat has a way of making photos look so good. And to be silly and laugh.
Here is on from yesterday, in spite of the waves we can still giggle and have fun. (Sometimes...)

 His eyes in this picture are deceptively sparkly. Snapchat has a way of making everyone look great even on our worst days. 

Love, Michelle