2/8/2018

Today...

Hannah’s 23 birthday. 

She wanted to cancel today. I understood. But I still did little things. Frosting and pretzels. 

A succulent plant. 

New shampoo and conditioner. 

Lavender sash. 

I had to get her in to the doctor today because her ears have been hurting. As we were going, Matt complained he didn’t feel ‘right.’  Doc just examined all of us and decided to go ahead and put us on tamiflu as a precaution. (We all had a fever of 101; Matt had 102). 

This particular flu is hard to diagnose. Even David tested negative to the flu test. And we see where that got him. 

So we shall take care of ourselves for a few days. I did go to the hospital and armed with mask and gloves. Made sure he was ok. And told him at the door we were all sick. And that I could not come in his room for a few days. 

Saddest day ever. 

He can’t call. 

He can’t text or FaceTime. 

He can’t push the call button. He doesn’t have me there to make sure they KNOW that. 

‘Are they taking care of you?’ I say. 

‘Mostly.’ He mouths. 

I cried a river. And then the waves floated me away. 

‘Does God hate us?’ One of my children say. 

And he went in with me to the grocery store on the way home. And he had the longest face. 

‘What can I do for u?  Can I buy you something special?’  ‘No.’ He says. 

Quiet. 

‘I know! Let’s get Hannah some new shampoo and conditioner!’  I say. 

‘Ok.’ in a gloomy voice. But then I asked him which ones we should buy. He picked two. ‘These are her favorite!’  Says he. 

‘And it’s all from you. We will put it in a different bag and you can give it to her.’

As we were finished checking out, he finally had a smile on his face. 

‘It feels good to give!’ He says. 

And ‘Does God hate us’ is averted for now. 

It is sometimes hard to understand why. And many people can explain it away with ‘god only does good and things along that line. 

I’m sorry, I dislike those explanations. They are so carelessly said sometimes. It’s ok to be mad at god I think. Being mad at him means that you believe in him. So...

Now I must keep David safe in a different way. Away from him.  

I’m looking forward to getting off this boat. These waves are making me sea sick.  

Love,

His Shelli