Hannah's two cents

Someone said this morning that they feel like they shouldn’t cry anymore…because its all over. We must be strong now he explained, because dad is home. Not true, my love, we told him. You can cry. Its ok to cry, in fact you need to. Its healthy to let those things go.

In some ways it is ‘all over’. But in most ways, its just beginning. When dad first came home, it was like relief flooded all over us. We could finally feel the gravity of the situation we were in and we could let it go and just cry. And cry we did. We told dad how much we worried about him…how much we missed him. How hard it was trying to figure out how to do his jobs and when we succeeded in just one part, we rejoiced in those little triumphs. For a couple of days, it really felt like my heart was breaking, and that was ok. We could finally just let everything go. Dad is home.

Its been hard for me to maintain my faith during this time. If G-d was really good, why would he let such bad things happen?? Especially to dad, who is one of the kindest most wonderful people ever. Some people said that maybe we were being punished…but for what? Some people said that G-d lets bad things happen to good people to see if they will still follow him and trust him, like Job. I don’t know what is right. All I know is sometimes bad things happen. Often, it’s not the situation itself, but what we do with the situation that changes us. I hope it changes us for the better.  I don’t understand why God does what he does. But I do know that he loves us, and I don’t want to turn my back on him.

Through this specific situation, maybe we are all realizing how strong we really are. Maybe we are finally seeing what a beautiful community we have, and the true friends that we didn’t even now we had.

We don’t know what the future holds…we don’t know what 6 months from now will look like. Will dad ever be the same? Its impossible to know… For now, however, we know that life is so fragile. I can promise you we will relish in every single moment we get with each other. When someone comes that close to death, it is out of the question not to look at life differently.

It is hard, me and mom take turns sleeping out in the living room near dad’s bed. Waking up at all hours of the night, just to make sure he is still breathing. Remembering new things like having to plug in oxygen batteries and making sure puppy toys are not strewn all over the floor. (I’m looking at you avi….) not to mention keeping up with all the normal things to do like paying bills and figuring out the disability….(thank you so much government for making that so damn hard…like seriously bro, how much information do you need??? Would you like our toilet habits too?!) Finding a rhythm on how to take care of dad, making sure he doesn’t fall. (dad slow down on the damn walker dear, “Nah…” he says, “The doc said I will never run a marathon again…but he didn’t say I couldn’t run half of one did he!” How political of you…always finding the loop holes…such a bad patient he is that one….) But we are figuring it out…as the Beatles say, “I get by with a little help from my friends…” So, thank everyone…for helping, praying, and just being there for us in general. We love all yall. (so very Texan of me :-P)

That’s all for now folks.

hannah

P.s If you, for whatever reason needed to cry, but couldn’t, all you got to do is listen to this song, it works every damn time…not even kidding. Rise up by Andrea Day.