David started out battling the flu. Just the flu. We all passed it around. Gone are the days where we try to quarantine the sick person to their room and wash our hands one hundred times a day and...you get the picture. #it doesn’t work.
We all got better except for David. It clung to him with the death grip and then it became a pneumonia, which then became ARDS.
Airway Respiratory Distress Syndrome.
In reality, by the end of the year he may be able to walk down our street and back, and be exhausted and out of breath.
In my positive attitude I try to have with the children, especially the smallest one. Jono. He just turned 14, but he is still my baby. He is, without a doubt, the ‘laugh’ of the party. And when he is down, not one thing can budge him anywhere else. I have a few tricks that sometimes work. Yesterday I was all out of tricks.
He is worried Daddy will never be able to go camping again. Or a day of fishing, in spite of my ‘he will get better. Just you wait and see!’
Because the truth is, he may never. And I finally admitted that to myself. What we have ‘now’ is what we ‘see.’
And so now we must make the best of a bad situation. If he gets better, of course we will be ecstatic, but right now, what does he need?
He needs a lot of help and
he needs to know we love him and we are going to stand by him, through the good and through the bad.
We are readjusting. It has been quite comical getting him from one place to the other. How many people does it take to help Daddy from point a to point b?
FOUR, and we are in luck; their are four of us. Walker in the front, one person on the left, one person on the right, one person holding the oxygen bag to make sure the tubing doesn’t trip him and one person to be ready to jump in and/or foresee obstacles and avoid them before they happen.
Today we helped him outside. Sunshine and vitamin D. And just the fresh air of outside that he hasn’t been able to enjoy for 90 days.
When he sits for a while, his legs give way and in order to stand him up, two of us have to be on either side and literally pick him up by supporting him under his arms.
It’s what happened outside, but we managed.
Getting him up the stairs (and down) is a feat. We hold on to him for dear life.
Music has been my therapy this year. Hannah made me a playlist on Spotify. She hooked me up. I have made many favorites from that list, and have played them so much to and from the hospital that they are seared to my soul. They have helped my heavy heart; to rise above.
One of them is
‘Stand By You’
And that’s what I am doing. Standing by my man.
Finding new ways to love and help and have fun and enjoy the moments....
It’s raw over here. We are all feeling it. And there is nothing we can do about it except to do the obvious; help him, love him, etc...
He will not be able to work again for a good long while. For sure, this year. And next year, it is highly possible he will still not be ready.
At some point I will find work to do outside of the home, when and ONLY when he is able to be more independent.
Will we have to sell our house and extra car? Maybe. But I am not leaving his side until I know he will be ok. This is my job for now.
I am sleeping on the couch where his hospital bed is set up. Yes, I am a little more than a little anxious and find myself waking up many times just to make sure he is still breathing.
And this is life.
I have a love / hate relationship with photos and videos. I ‘see’ many perfect opportunities, but I selfishly want these moments. No interruptions.
I will plan something and we will send photos/videos. There may not be any perfect moments. I save those for my heart. But they will be good. You won’t be disappointed.
I hope you have a chance to listen to the song I posted. It’s so good! Music therapy...a life line!
Love to all,
Shelli
PS. Everyday we move a table in the living room for meals so we can eat together. He has to eat in bed because it is a feat just to sit in a chair and breathe. But WE WILL eat together. It is just going to look different. We are learning to be ok with that.
We pile up in and around his bed and help each other carry the heavy load. We speak real and true. We cry. We laugh. We help each other. ( thank you my friend....who helped me see that this is not only ok but good and essential.)
No more hiding and protecting. And lyin.’
He can handle it. His mind and heart are as strong as ever. And his wisdom is beyond all of ours put together. He feels wanted and needed. Because, DUH!, he is!! And he’s home. We are safe once again.
Having muscles does not insure safeness. His presence, his words, his outlook, etc... these are what make us feel safe.
And he never runs out. He is full of the most amazing qualities. He makes us better people.
Without him? We would be mediocre, at best. Probably even less than. So...
Sweet man of mine? We love you! You are the bestest!
We in this thang togetha, yo. We gots this.
Love, us
XOXOXOXO
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