Ginormous...

Ginormous....
Seriously, I did not even know that this was a real word. My brain thought surmounting. I was going to use that word to name this post. But I looked it up and apparently it does not mean what I thought it meant. ‘Overcoming a LARGE obstacle.’

Ya, I didn’t want it to mean that. I don’t feel ‘above’ anything right now. I only feel below; below the heaviness; very below.

Since he has been home, I have honestly not been able to rest. Fear grips me.
Manual labor I can handle. No problem. I like to work. It’s the mental heart shtuff that grips my throat with fear every time I see him stand up, sit dow, move, cough, moan, and even when he says ‘I’m ok.’ Because he only says that when he’s not, etc...

The man is predictable. He doesn’t like to complain. If he’s good he says good and he means good. If he is not so good, he says ‘ok’ and so I worry.

So, when he says ‘I’m ok?’ Its a little hard to ‘get behind that.’
Because
in between his ‘ok’s’
he says
my chest feels funny.

So I’m just waiting
for the floor
to give way
under my feet.

(And now after he reads this, he will NEVER say ok again. Haha)

I love him home.
I love sleeping beside him.
I love seeing him get up without any help.
(Yes! Barely, but yes.)
I love a lot of things.

In between the scary, we laugh and joke and love and have fun and, and, and...(smiley face)

But, oh peace of mind, when will you come?
I only want to know if he’s home for good now?

This faith business is not for the weak-hearted!

And here’s David walking down the runway with the latest ‘to go oxygen’ over the shoulder of his valet.

And Avi, showing you all of our hospital bills that add up to almost a million dollars; 940k.
‘Ya, Avi, we feel the same way...’

Does this guy look like
A million bucks? Did we get our moneys worth?

His face looks
really full right now.
I think all of his
weight gain
has gone to his ‘head’ because
he still
looks like a toothpick when he stands up.
(Like I said,
when he stands up?
My heart drops.)

I better get cooking and put some meat on that million dollar man of mine.

XO
😘