Role reversal of sorts

Someone asked David

‘Why aren’t you depressed?’

He is.
But he puts on a good show 
that he is strong.
And he is strong, 

don’t get me wrong. 

But, yes he’s sad. 

Who wouldn’t be 

under these circumstances. 

This week,
he took over homeschooling.
What a load off my shoulders.

If we put them in school,
can you imagine
ALL THE GERMS
they might bring home.
And, frankly,
David is so frail
that we cannot risk that at this point.

And so now,

he is the homeschool dad.

And he has ALWAYS 

wanted to have a stronger role 

in this area. Now he gets his chance. 

And may I just say?

He’s amazing at it!

Someone asked him
‘Are you smart enough
to teach homeschool?’

Answer?
No.
Nor am I.

But we have excellent curriculum,
the internet,
and children who love to learn.

Our main job
was to teach them
to love to learn.
CHECK.

They do.
We put things before them?
And they go forward.

Are they smarter than us?

YES! Thank G-d!

It had been our desire all along.

Do they have more wisdom than us?
No.

Hands down,
we have them beat at life experience.

So we help each other.
And they are ok with that.

They teach us the smarts?
We teach them the wisdom. 
Sounds a little illogical.
But, hey, it works.

David taking on homeschool means
I can actually accomplish my goals
and have some change left;
more time for library trips,
cooking and art lessons,
reading aloud and
creative writing with the boys.

David is in charge of
Math
Science
History
Internet/computer
(Khan Acadamy.com)

And he keeps us in line; 

reminds us of important things; 

and is focused on getting better. 

I have never felt so much love 

in my entire life. 

The man is devoted. 

No doubt. 

We need him. 

He has purpose. 

Life isn’t over, 

it’s just new a beginning.

I have extra time I need
for money management,
lawyers,
doctors,
health
and meals, etc...
and extra curricular with the boys
that I have always longed to do
but find it hard
to make the time
on an average day.

David is exercising as much as he is able,
and yet his countenance is sad.
It hurts to look at him.

Choices.
We can either turn away
from things that hurt,
or we can embrace it.

So easy to turn away.
And I can’t say
that turning away is very tempting.
But, I am trying to embrace it;
be ok with it, etc...
we ALL are.

We want to fix him. 

Who doesn’t want to
‘fix’ that which is broken
without calling the handyman,
so to speak.

It’s the one thing
that crushes my heart.
To be there for him
without having the answers...
ya, not comfortable.

I am learning how to embrace it, 

because, I love,
I’m tenacious, (David says so...)

And I do not give up. 

Not even a choice. 

He has never given up on me.
He has lead the example.
And I am determined to give him
As much as he has given me.

An impossible feat.

But I will spend my life trying.

Imagine, if you will,
being the most amazing guy ever,
providing for your family
and being their stability
and their all
and then suddenly
without any notice,
not being able to take back the reigns
after being incapacitated.

If you see him smile or ok?
Ya, it’s him accepting his predicament.
Does he always show this side?
No. Not to the ones he can be himself to.

And to say there are no dry eyes
on any given day
would be an honest evaluation.

Not much has changed.
We are just all trying to adapt.

But, it’s much better having him home.
Much better...

However,
His sad eyes
crush the toughest soul.
And through his happy smile
and sparkly eyes?
There is sadness.
Don’t let the happy attitude 
deceive you.

We are all still learning.

BTW He is still 

the most amazing guy I know; 

hands down!

Ps
No disability check yet.
May doctor visit and X-ray coming up.
Hannah is signed up for fall classes.
Matt is practicing SAT so he can have the chance to get a full ride to UTD.
Hannah in the process
of requesting scholarships
based on her grade point average.(4.0)
And did I mention?
All her teachers love her.
It’s not surprising. She is an amazing girl. And jono?
He has much more of a chance for greatness with Daddy in charge of his education.
It’s so comforting
watching them learn together.
And jono gets to practice cooking with me.
He will be an amazing chef one day!
His wit and charm
Brighten the cloudiest day.
But even he has sad days.
He is most like dad
And can hide his sadness
behind his twinkle.
But momma has super power vision.
Not much gets past me.

Never mind.
It does. I’m slow.
But eventually I get it.
I hate that I’m slow....
Better late than never?
I hope that counts.

PPS
And me...I’m hanging in there.
I am having some back issues
and trying to take it easy,
as much as I am able.
(Debilitating pain some days...)
My family is amazing.
I don’t have to do everything.
We all share the load.
What would I do without them...
And on we go.

Thank you for you.
Happy to not be alone.

Back to work.
XO
Shelli.

PayPal Pool For David’s Recovery

https://www.paypal.com/pools/c/842Ba2EMED