Sparkles

We were supposed to have received our last temporary disability check this week.

They called on Monday
to make sure we weren’t receiving disability from social security yet and needed an updated status. Despite the update, the last check did not come. Not sure what that is all about, but we will find out on Monday.

Nevertheless, we received several donations this week that really helped the loss.
Heavy sigh...
thank you so much!

And the other little things here and there; you know those little things that are really big to you until you start explaining them to someone out of pure joy and they look at you like ‘okaaaaay? So what’s so big about that?’

I have learned, through the years, to keep those little things in my pocket, and just enjoy the love that was just for me.

It may seem so abstract, but I think about the pond in our park close to our house; how the sun shines down and the water glistens and sparkles, like diamonds. You can’t pass by without noticing but I’ve grown accustomed to it and it’s easy to just pass by without being in awe. Sometimes I stop and admire. I could sit there for hours just watching; it’s so beautiful.

Maybe it’s why I don’t allow myself much time when passing by. The busy mother in me pulls along my little girl self who wants to stay.

That’s how I picture all the little things; a vastness of tiny little sparkles. We are learning to pause more and see. The mother can wait. Haha

Davids recliner is big enough for two. We take turns sitting by him. I oftentimes lose my turn by the end of the day, out of sheer busyness on my part, but this week I have reclaimed my turn, several times a day. And it’s precious. I enjoy every second.

Life is always fragile and precious, but it’s not always noticeable when things are fine. We all find ourselves just extremely thankful for each day.

We have spent A LOT of time looking back and wishing for those things we can no longer do. And it’s quite depressing to say the least.

So we are really trying to be more positive and make new memories of things we CAN do. I know I’ve said it before but it hasn’t stuck yet so repeat, I must.

I am almost positive we can all relate to longing for that which is no more just in general. Without a tragedy. ‘Remember when we used to do that?’ And then reminisce...and sometimes it’s pleasant while other times it feels like a loss.

But comfortableness
is so comfortable; cozy; like we could remain in a happy moment forever and be completely content.

But then change comes unexpectedly and is resisted; and sorrow grows from not accepting and adapting.

I sometimes forget David’s limitations. Like I see him outside with and without his oxygen, smiling, watching the dogs play; walking along side of them; him and the boys talking and laughing. I see that moment from the window as I pass by in my busyness and think everything is ok, when minutes later he is completely out of breathe and has to come in to recover. We are talking in a matter of ten minutes or less, he goes from ‘wow everything’s ok’ to ‘omg he can’t breathe.’

And I say to myself, why did I think everything was ok; smile at the happy moment; and go on with my day? How could I forget???

But as I write I think, ah, another one of those small sparkly moments that need to be savored; to stop and just enjoy every second of those ten minutes.

He is due for a Doctor visit and an X-ray. He loves Dr. L and while things are still so unknown, we will stick with him even though he is in Plano.

Dr. L is one of those things we want to HOLD ON TO FOR DEAR LIFE because he is comfortable and safe; and he cares in all of his outward seriousness and extreme bluntness; and he makes us feel safe despite his future forecast. At least we can know where we are and what to expect.
(Can we just have one thing the same? Something steady?
Please?)

And so, I have rambled on and on. Hopefully I have made sense.

Your prayers, kindness, words, generosity, continue to overwhelm us.

I shamefully say we get so caught up in our own little world that we don’t make a lot of time for those outside of our reach.

Because of you,
our vision is more clear.

It makes us so thankful to be thought of in the midst of your own lives.

And believe me
when I say,
we see nothing as little;
every little thing is anything but little...

We think of you often, and wish you the best.

XO
Shelli












Sent from my iPhone