Catch 22

Catch 22

Ok. I will get to the catch 22 in a minute.

First, I want to say, if you look at David, you would think, ‘OMG! He looks great!’  And he does; for sure!

But, as the saying goes, looks can be deceiving.  

Yesterday, there were many meltdowns, and we decided to run an errand all together. 

Sometimes, it just changes your perspective when you get out. 

You know?  

I tried to start my car. Nothing.  No clicks. 

No nothing. 

We jumped it. 

Nothing. 

We took apart the nuts and bolts to clean the corrosion. 

Still;  nothing. 

Boy, was I glad it happened in the driveway and not the highway. 

Remember the flat tire that happened in the ‘driveway?’  

David was the one looking under the hood, unscrewing things, and directing ‘traffic.’

But then 

his legs gave way... 

and he had to sit down and tell us what to do. 

He sat down 

in his wheel chair 

and turned on the oxygen, gasping for air 

like he was drowning. 

We did all we could do, under the guidance 

of our Chief. 

But the battery?  

It was most likely dead. 

We unscrewed it; me, Hannah, and Matt. (Lol)Took it out of the car and put it in the suburban. 

Then we (me, Hannah, and Matt) pushed and steered the car to the street and parked it by the curb so we could drive the suburban. 

We have a one car driveway. It took all of our muscles. 

We all drove 

to the Auto Zone 

to have them 

test the battery. 

Not only was it DEAD, 

the sides were bulging and it was a potentially hazardous situation. 

We bought a new battery as David sat in the car 

on speakerphone 

telling us what to do. 

By this time, 

he was out of breath 

and worn smooth out. 

Got the new battery, 

went home, 

encouraged David

 to go inside, and put the new battery on. 

( me, Hannah, Matthew)

Ya, it takes at least three people to do David’s job. 

Catch 22. 

How does David feel when we tell you what he can’t do?  Right... which is why it is so hard to post sometimes. 

But, honestly, he can’t. He looks great; yes. But, people?  He can’t breathe. And he is so afraid of winter. 

Oh ya, 

and Social Security?denied us, today...

We are at the end 

of our pennies;

thought for sure he would be accepted, 

but now we are back 

to square one. 

Oh, person 

who contacted me 

while David was in a coma to get a lawyer to help us with disability...

I just thought...

there is no question!  

We can’t afford 25% 

of what we receive 

to go to lawyers. 

I can handle this!

Turns out... 

I’m not as smart 

as I thought I was. 

We are literally 

living off the kindness 

of people. 

Literally. 

That is overwhelming 

in and of itself. 

Tears 

are very deep right now. 

It was a hard week 

even before we received our letter of denial today. Everyone has had a meltdown this week. 

I do not speak lightly 

when I say meltdown. 

I am like, all that is left 

is a puddle. 

Please, please, keep us close to your hearts. 

But can I say?  

What?  

A flat tire in our driveway. And a dead battery 

in our driveway. 

Someone 

is watching over us. 

Oh, and the grocery angel who has been delivering free food to us...what???

Living off kindness. Both scary and comforting at the same time. 

And the sweet and loving letters received with help? Overwhelming. 

Every time I sit down to write a thank you card? I cry and am without words. I am so sorry. 

But I (we) very much do appreciate everything you are doing. Words, acts of kindness, monetary...we are living on every inch. 

And we don’t know how to say thank you except for thank you. 

How inadequate it feels. 

XO

shelli 

Sent from my iPhone