Heavy and happy

Family is the most beautiful thing in the world. I’m talking not only about the people in your home, but also those people that you aren’t related to but that are just family to you. They always know what you need and when you need it. You feel so connected to them and close, they are just ‘family’. There’s no other word for it. These few beautiful people hold you up when your legs are so weak you don’t think you can walk anymore. They know when to hold you so tight, you feel like the pieces of your broken heart are being mended in that moment. They are your voice when you don’t know what to say. They know when to just be there when everything is so heavy, you feel like you can’t even carry it any more. You few are family. We love you more than we can even say.

So, life goes on. I don’t know why I’m always surprised that things just continue on. Moms first day back at work was Wednesday. We were really worried about her, and texted and called her just to make sure she was ok at least 4 times during the course of the day. She was alright. Tired as hell, yeah. But that is to be expected after what happened. Life doesn’t ever just stop when bad things happen. You feel broken and hopeless, and then you accept it and move forward. No, things aren’t the same, and I know we will still be extra cautious in avoiding any and all unnecessary stress especially since we see how damaging it can be.

So, just for clarifications sake, because the last post I did was a little rushed to be honest. It was quite the stressful weekend! What happened was, mom has what is called unstable angina. When the doctor did a procedure on Friday called a cardiac angiogram he was able to see a 80% blockage in one of moms arteries. It was not a good place to put a stent in, so he instead put her on a few medications that will hopefully begin to resolve the situation within a few weeks to a few months. She is still at very high risk for having another heart attack. So we are trying to take it as easy as possible concerning the stress and pressure we have been under as of late. I am not entirely sure how to explain it, but if you are curious, just google it: Unstable Angina. It will give you a picture of what we are having to deal with here. Its some scary stuff. Which is why we were so nervous for her to be going back to work so fast. But, hey, sometimes you have to do scary difficult things!

One thing we have learned this week, we kind of already knew of? But it has just become more apparent now than ever. Stress is deadly. Plain and simple. If we can’t find some way to control the amount of stress we put ourselves under, our bodies will begin to crumble under the weight of it. I really believe that is what happened concerning her cardiac issues. The doctor explained to us what stress does to the heart and arteries and I will do my best to relate at least what I understood. I believe most people know about the flight or flight response to stress. However, chronic stress exposes the body to prolonged (one could even say toxic) levels of cortisol and adrenaline. While these may be good for you in small doses, in large quantities it causes your blood pressure and you blood sugar to be raised. It also causes the arteries to contract, making the heart work harder to push the oxygenated blood to different parts of the body. This also elevates the risk of blood clots. Which, all together creates a very high risk for heart attack, and strokes. Yeah, scary stuff. So, if we take away anything from this situation, its that we need to find some way to breathe and be calm in spite of the incredible amounts of stress we are under. Or our health will suffer for it.

On another note; Sunday night is Rosh Hashana. The new year. One of the traditional prayers for the holiday is the 13 attributes of God. It is a reminder that although we don’t understand (sometimes at all) why HaShem allows bad things to happen; but that we know that he is perfect and just and everything he does is good. It may take a while before we see the good in something that seems so bad. Like this year; everything that has happened seems so unfair? For lack of a better term. But we know that it is good somehow. We just have to be willing to look for it.

So happy new year to everyone. May your names be inscribed in the book of Life this coming year, and may good things come to all of you. May the goodness you have all bestowed on us return back to you tenfold. We love you. Thank you for standing with us this year, drying our tears and sharing our pain. It means so much. Good friends are not easy to come by. So when we find them, we don’t let go.

Much love,

Hannah for the Watson